Over the past several months, I have found myself longing for more opportunities for solitude…for time with God that for this season of my life seemingly can only be found in the peaceful, set apart spaces. More than a quiet time, more than sitting alone in silence for a few minutes of the day…I need to make room for unhurried stillness so I can just be…and so I can hear God’s voice with greater clarity.

I have taken a couple of retreats that involved complete solitude for long stretches…even several days…and I struggled. I am a people person…my thoughts go wild even when I intentionally purpose to take each one captive! What, I wondered, unnerves me so much about leaving the familiarity of people, my busy life and technology to fix my full attention upon God?

But then I read a passage from a compilation of Henri Nouwen’s prayerful life, The Only Necessary Thing, which has transformed my hesitancy into an urgent expectancy:

“Although the discipline of solitude asks us to set aside time and space, what finally matters is that our hearts become like quiet cells where God can dwell, wherever we go and whatever we do. The more we train ourselves to spend time with God and God alone, the more we will discover that God is with us at all times and in all places. Then we will be able to recognize God even in the midst of a busy and active life. Once the solitude of time and space has become a solitude of the heart, we will never have to leave that solitude. We will be able to live the spiritual life in any place and any time. Thus the discipline of solitude enables us to live active lives in the world, while remaining always in the presence of the living God.”

What first gripped me was the imagery of my heart becoming like a quiet cell (I imagined one that I was housed in at a retreat center a few years ago) where God can dwell. I began to ask the question, “What could I learn about myself through the discipline of solitude that would inform my everyday life in the way Nouwen describes?” My prayer is that solitude becomes a hospitable place in which to posture my heart before Jesus. I want to journey into the discipline of solitude and what God might be pleased to teach me there. Currently, this is an expression of desire only as I seek God’s face for the way forward.

Father, allow my heart to become a quiet cell where You are welcome to dwell. Transform my everyday life so that I may always remain in Your presence, no matter what is going on around me or within me.

I can hear it now – oh no! A blog on fasting! I’m smiling because I basically balked at writing it. I’m not particularly good at fasting; however, my ultimate goal is to prayerfully engage this discipline in such a way that it becomes a regular spiritual rhythm in my everyday life.

I am committed to getting to know the Father more intimately through obeying the command of Jesus in Matthew 6:16-18 (NAS): “Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that your fasting will not be noticed by men, but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.”

Basically, when fasting, I am to look normal on the outside while God is changing me on the inside. It isn’t necessary for anyone to know that I am depriving myself of food, or some other activity that I am trying to control my appetite for (such as social media, working too many hours, busyness, etc.). God is pleased with my efforts to draw near…it isn’t necessary to be patted on the back or noticed by others for my “holy behavior.”  God will reward what I do in secret…He isn’t pleased when I “put on a spiritual show” for others.

Fasting is on the job training for intimacy and for becoming a house of prayer for all nations! Yet, as individuals, and as the church, we have neglected this spiritual discipline badly. Isaiah 58 proclaims the purposes for a “true fast.” In studying and praying through this passage (MSG version), I am noticing several interesting things about how I am to carry out my fasting in God-honoring ways so that He alone will be pleased. Here are just a few that I’m pondering and praying through so that my next fast will be “true” and fully aligned with His purposes:

 I am all about being busy doing the things of God the “right” way. Wow – this is hard-hitting! God is sharing with Isaiah and/or with the leaders of Israel about this very thing in vs. 1-3: “Shout! A full-throated shout! Hold nothing back—a trumpet-blast shout! Tell my people what’s wrong with their lives, face my family Jacob with their sins! They’re busy, busy, busy at worship, and love studying all about me. To all appearances they’re a nation of right-living people—law-abiding, God-honoring. They ask me, ‘What’s the right thing to do?’and love having me on their side. But they also complain, ‘Why do we fast and you don’t look our way? Why do we humble ourselves and you don’t even notice?’”

In my attempt to be holy, I often do the opposite! There is much that is wrong with my life…I struggle with sin issues every day – mostly with my words, and my tendency to get aggravated by people just like me. Ouch. I love to worship, and never considered that I was too busy “worshiping” and studying about God and then wondering why He isn’t noticing my efforts. Sometimes when I am struggling with issues in my life it seems as if God is far away rather than drawing near. Am I working too hard to get God to notice me? I think I am learning that my love relationship with my Father needs to be based more on desire and less on “duty.” Back to Matthew 6…the promise of His reward is cloaked within my willingness to surrender to Him in secrecy, knowing that He will be true to His word. I need to seek Him because of who He is, not because of His rewards. To this point, I’ve always thought that is what I’ve been doing…but my heart is inherently focused on myself rather than fully submitted to the purposes of God. I try to fix myself with outward activity rather than allowing the Spirit of God to bring transformation into my innermost being.

Sometimes when I’m fasting I “swing a mean fist.” “The bottom line on your ‘fast days’ is profit. You drive your employees much too hard. You fast, but at the same time you bicker and fight. You fast, but you swing a mean fist.The kind of fasting you do won’t get your prayers off the ground. Do you think this is the kind of fast day I’m after: a day to show off humility? To put on a pious long face and parade around solemnly in black? Do you call that fasting, a fast day that I, God, would like” (vs. 3-5)?

If you are like me, the enemy takes notice of my attempts to become more like Jesus and does everything he can to sabotage them! It’s interesting that even when others don’t know we are fasting, Satan is completely aware. He would whisper to us that we must have a pious humility before others…and tempts us to speak or act unkindly or unwisely before we are even aware it is happening. This brings discouragement and sometimes even an untimely end to our fast: “Well, THAT didn’t work!” The knowledge that I have failed makes me likely to consider that I should try again at a later date since I have no doubt displeased God with my imperfect attempt. In the background the enemy of my soul is likely cackling with delight over my defeat and weakness.

God’s purposes for a “true fast” have kingdom significance!  “This is the kind of fast day I’m after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. What I’m interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. (Vs. 6-7). 

Fasting is not just a spiritual act I engage in…it is also a place to intimately engage the voice of the Spirit seeking my response to the life of the incarnate Christ living within me. God puts me on mission with Him when I take the time to give up something I need or have become too attached to and engage Him prayerfully. As I learn to love Him more, He will draw me near and occupy my heart with fresh vision to love others. Shouldn’t my heart be broken for His purposes when I intentionally place myself in a posture of humility and willingness? The answer is an unequivocal YES! And not only should I be willing to agree with the heart of God, I must be willing to actively engage in the call He places before me…whatever it might be…even if it sounds difficult or makes me afraid…or stretches me in uncomfortable ways.

 If I will willingly respond to God during my time of fasting and beyond, He promises to answer my prayers: “Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way.The God of glory will secure your passage. Then when you pray, God will answer. You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am’” (vs. 8-9). I need the lights to turn on and illuminate the way forward. I love that the God of glory will secure my passage to join Him in His kingdom work. Fasting puts my prayers onto His agenda rather than my own wants and needs…so that when I truly do have a need…He is pleased to respond, because I will be asking with correct motives and not with the selfishness of my own heart. I am trusting Him to set my feet on the path of righteousness as I fast, engaging me in the center of His heartbeat for others as I seek after more of the character of Jesus Christ.

Fasting, I’m convinced, is the antidote to my selfishness. It is the way that leads me towards Christlikeness. Fasting also compels me into the world…not to be of it but to be the hands and feet of Jesus on earth. It is also not an easy discipline to embrace or to practice…but it is worth the effort! My prayer for myself, and for you is that together, we can welcome the life of the Holy Spirit in us, changing us from the inside out for His kingdom’s sake. May fasting become a normal part of the rhythm of everyday life for each of us so that God might be pleased to work in and through us to set captives free, feed the poor, clothe the needy, and embrace His love for every man, woman and child who needs to know Him. May we become a house of prayer for all nations that God can use to turn this world upside down for Jesus Christ.

I have been prayerfully reflecting upon this past year and looking ahead to what God is holding in His heart for me in this new year. His faithfulness emerges so clearly out of the difficult places of the past season of my life. Psalm 86:11 begins, “Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness…” The way of Christ was to rely fully upon His Father for all things…nothing He did or said was apart from His Father.  I’ve done plenty of things apart from God over the past few months, relying on my own ideas, strengths and wits rather than yielding myself fully and completely to the purposes of God so that He can show Himself faithful in the midst of all of my everyday circumstances. Fortunately for me…and I imagine for all of us, God is not only faithful, but also forgiving! “If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you” (Psalm 130:3-4).

Our Father is faithful and forgiving. His faithfulness can be fully relied upon as we seek to learn His ways, as Jesus did. In the midst of difficulty, struggle, pain, loss, grief, joy, victory, transition or celebration – God is present. As I mentioned, there have been multiple times this past year when my record of wrongs – things done or left undone – needed to be submitted to God so that I could once again serve Him with reverence. How grateful I am that God is faithful to forgive me when I confess things that must grieve His heart. Renewed determination to be more like Christ this year has gripped me anew. I am focused on walking more carefully in the steps of Jesus day by day, keeping my eyes fixed upon the Faithful One.

Here is my prayer as I head into this New Year with a new resolve to be the person He has called me to be, the servant He desires me to be, and the child He loves no matter how many times I mess up: Teach me Your way, Lord, so that I may continually rely on Your faithfulness from moment to moment. Help me to keep short accounts with You whenever I fail to extend the love of Jesus to others, or when I find myself in weak moments that cause my heart to turn away from complete obedience to Your word and Your ways. Give me the strength to press into Your heart for lost people and nations, and to cry out to You for spiritual awakening, beginning in my own heart! Thank You, Father, for Your faithful, loving-kindness towards me so that I may serve You with reverence. May I be more faithful in this New Year to be Jesus to those I encounter, so that nothing I do or say strays from Your kingdom purposes. I ask this in the Name above ALL Names! Amen!

“During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission” (Hebrews 5:7).

This morning as I was preparing for work, I thought through all that was on my plate for the day and began to feel a bit overwhelmed. Then, a small thought came into my mind… “Maybe you need some aloneness in prayer.” It occurred to me that it was exactly what I was needing…even craving – aloneness.

As I sat with the word for a bit, the concept became clearer to me. Aloneness isn’t just being alone…and it isn’t loneliness. It is an attitude of prayer that takes every thought captive in order to dwell within the heart of God for a season of time. There is no conversation. It is simply being with God. Clement of Alexandria called this kind of prayer “keeping company with God.” It is relationship rather than a rigorous discipline. It is prayer that is simple, honest, pure and uncomplicated. It doesn’t involve doing …the act itself is an expression of love towards the Father, and an opportunity to receive love from Him. I equate it to simply sitting beside my husband, being comforted that he is there, knowing that he loves me and I love him…but not needing to say anything at all. There is aloneness in not feeling pressured to have conversation…but to simply hang out together.

The Praxis of Aloneness

How does one practice “aloneness”?

1.      By being “okay” with the feeling that one doesn’t need to do anything except “be.”

2.      By recognizing when it is time to stop activity for at least a short season of time…

3.      By loving God enough to cultivate relationship that has no expectations or requirements in moments of aloneness. There are no “rules” to aloneness. It is not a legalistic practice…it is an essential one.

What Are the Benefits of Aloneness?

1.     Jesus beckoned His disciples to come away with him to a quiet place to get some rest (Mark 6:31) during an especially intense and busy time of ministry. Rest is a power benefit of aloneness.

2.      Focusing upon simply “being” with God deepens and strengthens our love relationship with Him.

3.      Allowing our minds and bodies to rest in the love of God opens our hearts and guides us into moments of trust and peace.

4.      Aloneness cultivates faithfulness and gratefulness because we are not too busy to keep company with Him.

As God’s people discover the importance of aloneness with God, our effectiveness for the kingdom will grow exponentially. Continual striving leads to burn-out, discouragement, stress, etc. When we bring our lives intentionally and prayerfully into His Presence, all of our kingdom work will be fueled from the depths of His love poured into our waiting and receptive hearts.

“I said to myself, ‘Relax and rest.
God has showered you with blessings.
Soul, you’ve been rescued from death;
Eye, you’ve been rescued from tears;
And you, Foot, were kept from stumbling’” (Psalm 116:7-8 MSG).